The Catechism of Cliché

"THE BEST OF MYLES" EXTRACT 6: THE CATECHISM OF CLICHÉ
from Myles na gCopaleen's 'Cruiskeen Lawn' column in the Irish Times (Introduction)

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[This is the first time a newspaper article was started in brackets. Innovation, you see. The homeric tasks of creation. Bringing into being a thing hitherto not here, much more exhausting than building pyramids in Egypt. Please remind me to close the bracket at the end of the article. We must be neat, have some system. Otherwise we will merit the doubtful epithet 'slovenly' and the finger of scorn will be pointed at us. Only last night it occurred to me that a good name for a skin specialist's motor vehicle would be 'acne-car'. And to-day that impeccable little lumpeen of wit is on your breakfast table. Speed, efficiency, see? At lunch time you can pass it off as your own. Now please stop biting your nails and listen to me.
      What inexpensive unrationed commodity is often said to exceed the man possessing it in value?
      His salt.
      What action is never taken with regard to alcohol?
      Touching it.
      What ruined many a man?
      The same horses.
      Where was our friend in 1916?
      Under the b----- bed like a lot more.
      What would our friend do to you or me?
      Take us out and lose us.
      When was our friend born?
      Not to-day or yesterday.
      When did he not come down?
      In the last shower.
      What are on our friend?
      No flies.
      In what capacity would he be trusted at a crossroads?
      Mindin' mice.
      Quod tempus omnibus est vitae?
      Breve et irreparabile.
      Quo in gurgite saepe volvuntur Aeneas et Co.?
      Vasto.
      Quo saepe Aeneas vox haeret?
      Faucibus.
      Quid facient omnes?
      Stant.
      Quo est facilis descensus?
      Averno.
      Quod autemest opus, quae labor?
      Revocare gradum, superasque evadere ad aurus.
      De quibus non curat lex?
      Minimus.
      Quideat emptor?
      Cave.
      Quae regio in térris nostri non plena laboris?
      Westminster.
      What is one's reaction to all this?
      Mens immota manet; lacrimae volvuntur inananes.
      That apocryphal juridical personality, the reasonable and prudent man, will probably agree with me that that is enough and plenty for wan good day. Goodbye to jez all now.
      The Plain People of Ireland: Whot abouit thon brocket, d'ye ontherstawnd?
      Myself: Sorry].

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The Plain People of Ireland: More of the same tomorrow begob?